I once dated this guy who was waiter with the self-esteem of a doctor. I tried to understand where all the self-assurance came from. Did we both live in North America in a state that basically sponsors higher education? Confused, I asked what his parents wanted for him and he said his mom always told him “do whatever makes you happy son.”

There’s two ways to view this, from the immigrant perspective at least, to look at this: his parents are stupid for having such low expectations or damn he is so lucky to have no pressure to be a high performer. 

If I had gone home and told my mom that my big dream in life was to serve croissant, she would probably have put me on the first plane back to Iran and told me to only come back when I truly understand just how lucky I really am.

Before anyone gets too upset, I want to point out that I do not look down upon being a waiter. Having worked in restaurants and the night life for many years myself, I truly respect it as a...

"We need to see ourselves as basic miracles." - Virginia Satir

We spend a lifetime obsessed with our goals, building our competence, pretending we don't judge others (but you know... "that person is so wrong, I don't  even have time to deal") and trying to talk ourselves out of hurtful moments so much so that we end up staying trapped inside them way longer than necessary. 

I'm embarrassed to admit that for the longest time I honestly did not know the difference between thoughts and feelings. And for the life of me, I could NOT understand how anyone could CHOOSE to think a certain way or CHOOSE to feel a certain way.

I became obsessed with figuring it out. And I'm glad to say I have and it is so much f****ing simpler than people (aka thought leaders I guess?) lead it on to be. Simply put the thoughts that are entertained by your mind translate into a feeling inside your body.

Thoughts that say this is hard, desperate and hopeless will generate feelings of depression and...