nothing in this life will be enough until you feel enough - know your worth.
"We need to see ourselves as basic miracles." - Virginia Satir
We spend a lifetime obsessed with our goals, building our competence, pretending we don't judge others (but you know... "that person is so wrong, I don't even have time to deal") and trying to talk ourselves out of hurtful moments so much so that we end up staying trapped inside them way longer than necessary.
I'm embarrassed to admit that for the longest time I honestly did not know the difference between thoughts and feelings. And for the life of me, I could NOT understand how anyone could CHOOSE to think a certain way or CHOOSE to feel a certain way.
I became obsessed with figuring it out. And I'm glad to say I have and it is so much f****ing simpler than people (aka thought leaders I guess?) lead it on to be. Simply put the thoughts that are entertained by your mind translate into a feeling inside your body.
Thoughts that say this is hard, desperate and hopeless will generate feelings of depression and anxiety on different levels. The more intense your thoughts are the most intense the level of feels. Change the thoughts, change the feels.
After I figured that one out, the big question was: "well... how on earth do you that?" I wanted to think a certain way but after a few moments of clarity, I often found myself back into the same cycle of thinking. That is until I figured out how to change it, permanently. Before I tell you how, I want to be clear of who I am and who I'm not.
I'm not a doctor. I'm not a therapist. I'm not a guru. I'm just a woman who lived a double life for almost 20 years. I was as happy as they come and I spent years battling depression. My body would literally shake from anxiety. And no matter how accomplished I felt, nothing really filled this on-going void inside. I felt constantly alone while surrounded by so much love.
I don't how I decided this but I figured religion would help me break the cycle. Of course, why not? Releasing control and following an order would do it. But I was never ready to follow any religion so I figured I'd go on like this until I was REALLY DONE. I decided in my early 20s that this transition would happen after I have kids and I'm about 40.
I'm sure as you read this, you're squinting a bit? I know. But in one way or another, that's how most people operate. They have moments of clarity of what they want to change and how they want to feel and then put it off until they have to change.
Sometimes that may be never. We are heartbroken when people as enlightening and amazing as Robin Williams kill themselves. How could he do this? Unexplainably, we are triggered inside. Heart rate increases. Levels of indifference. Confusion. If that level of success can't cure a man of his own thoughts and feelings what on earth can?!?!
The simple answer is that unless you know your worth, that you are enough - just as you are - it is impossible to have inner peace. Without inner peace, feeling whole, you will always be reactionary to your external reality. The external reality can only "sooth you" for 6 months (MAX) as a time. That's it.
Let me be clear: knowing and feeling that you are enough is not a write off to not setting goals and being wildly ambitious. We live in a society that rewards external achievements. We love external achievements. Being enough just as you are isn't saying "I'm just gonna ignore that now." It is saying: "I am enough. I love me unconditionally. And I want to keep growing and achieving in this life."
This is what removes negative fear as well. What is negative fear? It is that BS fear that keeps you small. The one that tells you don't try this, you may not survive the failure, rejection and disappointment. If you get annoyed when you hear or read "feel the fear and do it anyways", its because you are stuck in negative fear.
Positive fear is the one that tells you "Yes this is f****ing scary... but it will be even scarier to not try at all." That voice will also tell you that "No matter what, I got you. I love you. We are in this together. I trust you." It's that voice that comes in and gets you to take the actions you need to take because you know and feel that you deserve better.
Years of meditation, learning energy healing through reiki and most recently mastering the art of hypnosis have all thought me one extremely valuable lesson: our mind LOVES the familiar. And if there's one key take way you get from everything I just wrote, this is it.
Understand that if it is familiar for you to feel low and have a lot of negative thoughts… no matter how much you WANT to change them it will not happen unless you instruct your mind to do otherwise.
This is not WOO, this is FACT.
Now do you want to know how to embrace positivity more than negativity? Learn to make praise FAMILIAR with these 3 simple words. I. AM. ENOUGH. Say it 100 times a day to yourself. Write it on the mirror in your bathroom. Put a post-it in your drawers. Stick it on your fridge. Say it out loud to yourself as you look into a mirror directly into your own eyes.
Say it so many times, that it becomes a permanent automatic thought. Making this the most familiar thought in your mind will change your life. Did you know that unless you actually pay attention, over 70% of your automatic thoughts are negative and self-defeating? But most of us don't want to take the time to really notice because, as much as we don't admit it out loud, we don't think it matters.
How do I know this? Because self-defeating thoughts can lead to both success and failure in the material world. Evidence of this is everywhere. The material world (and I'm including life achievements in this even if it doesn't mean lots of money) makes it easier to verbalize and visualize "the good".
It's possible to have both. In fact, I'd say it's our life's mission. Well it's mine at least. In my perfect reality, I am healthy, I am rich, I am happy, I am a wife, I am a mother, I win awards of significance for my work, AND I am enough just as I am.
But you know what will make all this make more sense reversing the order of the thoughts: I am enough just as I am. Everything is else is secondary.
Love,
Atena Sadegh
PS for more insight into how to break automatic negative thinking patterns get this free e-book :)
